j0n
06-08-2005, 11:41 PM
I hate kids.
I yearn for a world without any children. It would be a world of quiet airplanes, restaurants, and movie theatres: a world without playgrounds, circuses, and child proof caps. Drug dealers could ply their trade wherever they wanted, without having to worry about wandering into a school zone. Adult book stores would just be called book stores.
Nobody wants kids for the sake of having kids. Women want kids to prove that they have working vaginas. Having babies is the one thing us women can do, besides field hockey, which no man can do at all, let alone do better.
Ladies, if you want to impress people with your gash then shoot ping pong balls out of it; or use it to pick up a stack of quarters. Do you want to dazzle them? Then combine these two tricks as you sail through the exact change lane on the turnpike.
Men want to have kids because they were picked last in gym class. Or worse, they were captain of the high school football team and led their team to the State Title. But then a freak masturbation accident cut their college career short. Either way, they are determined to create little champions. So, they put creatine in their kid's Captain Crunch, and dose their juice boxes with anabolic steroids.
I don't care if your kid can jump over your house: it doesn't change the fact that you're still a loser. Now finish pumping my gas, and lick those bugs off my windshield if you want a tip. Your kid needs a pair of Adidas 1s doesn't he?
People have kids in the hopes that they will take care of them when they get old. Fat ****ing chance. Take the money you would have spent on orthodontia, college, and rehab; and put it into a nice no-load mutual fund. You'll be able to retire to a tropical island in your early fifties. Then let someone else's teenager bring you fruity drinks and give you a poolside happy ending massage.
If you have kids now, it's not too late to get rid of them. If you're still living at home, it's never too early to leave and give your parents a chance at happiness. Sweatshops and street gangs are both excellent options. Both offer a child the opportunity to learn a trade, and room for advancement. Both offer lifetime job security. How many people have that? If you're afraid you'll miss your kid buy a PSP I hear they're awesome. They play games, movies, and music. Your kid can't play music and they had 5 years of piano lessons.
Do you know what would happen if everyone stopped having kids? Nothing. Nothing would happen. The last generation would enjoy seventy years of peace and quiet. Human civilization would end? So what? Why do you care? You'll be dead either way. I hear that ferrets are pretty smart let's give them have a chance to run the planet. If you're the last person on earth just remember to turn out the lights.
I yearn for a world without any children. It would be a world of quiet airplanes, restaurants, and movie theatres: a world without playgrounds, circuses, and child proof caps. Drug dealers could ply their trade wherever they wanted, without having to worry about wandering into a school zone. Adult book stores would just be called book stores.
Nobody wants kids for the sake of having kids. Women want kids to prove that they have working vaginas. Having babies is the one thing us women can do, besides field hockey, which no man can do at all, let alone do better.
Ladies, if you want to impress people with your gash then shoot ping pong balls out of it; or use it to pick up a stack of quarters. Do you want to dazzle them? Then combine these two tricks as you sail through the exact change lane on the turnpike.
Men want to have kids because they were picked last in gym class. Or worse, they were captain of the high school football team and led their team to the State Title. But then a freak masturbation accident cut their college career short. Either way, they are determined to create little champions. So, they put creatine in their kid's Captain Crunch, and dose their juice boxes with anabolic steroids.
I don't care if your kid can jump over your house: it doesn't change the fact that you're still a loser. Now finish pumping my gas, and lick those bugs off my windshield if you want a tip. Your kid needs a pair of Adidas 1s doesn't he?
People have kids in the hopes that they will take care of them when they get old. Fat ****ing chance. Take the money you would have spent on orthodontia, college, and rehab; and put it into a nice no-load mutual fund. You'll be able to retire to a tropical island in your early fifties. Then let someone else's teenager bring you fruity drinks and give you a poolside happy ending massage.
If you have kids now, it's not too late to get rid of them. If you're still living at home, it's never too early to leave and give your parents a chance at happiness. Sweatshops and street gangs are both excellent options. Both offer a child the opportunity to learn a trade, and room for advancement. Both offer lifetime job security. How many people have that? If you're afraid you'll miss your kid buy a PSP I hear they're awesome. They play games, movies, and music. Your kid can't play music and they had 5 years of piano lessons.
Do you know what would happen if everyone stopped having kids? Nothing. Nothing would happen. The last generation would enjoy seventy years of peace and quiet. Human civilization would end? So what? Why do you care? You'll be dead either way. I hear that ferrets are pretty smart let's give them have a chance to run the planet. If you're the last person on earth just remember to turn out the lights.