Funny Things Stupid People Say

[Stroked355Z28]

Hey guys, was just wondering how many of you witness people at your jobs or at school or wherever ever it maybe that do or say things that are mind-boggling, funny, stupid and make you wonder how dumb that person really is. I can't wait to here what everybody has to say or share, but here are just a few from my collection:

1.) Last night at my job, I'm a waiter at Carino's in the Clifton Commons, I was cleaning up my section for the night, but had to wait on this couple that made me feel like they were dining in for the last supper because they came at 8 and did not leave till 10:15. So anyway, while I was waiting for them to leave, I started running food for a few other servers because they were swamped with tables and needed help. So in the midst of doing all of that, this girl I work with is taking a table that consists of a family of 3. I'm happy I didn't leave because I'm still laughing about this today. One of the family members asked my co-worker if we have MEAT in our MEAT SAUCE???? Ha ha, how stupid can some people be. I told her she should have told them it was vegetarian and seen what they thought of that.

2.) I used to be manager of another restaurant, but only got $8.75, their way of conning me to do more work and have more responsiblity. So anyway, one Sunday, a customer comes up to me with his hamburger that he wanted rare to ask me something. I ask him if I can help him, so he responds by saying, now this is once again an example of people being completely stupid and funny. The guy asks me, if I can put his burger on the grill and make it MORE RARE?? I was speechless, I said Sir thats impossible because if I put it on the grill again, it will make it more well done and he continued to argue with me saying that restaurants have done it before. So not arguing anymore, I took the burger from him went in the back, poured the blood from the other burgers on top of it and gave it back to him. When he left, he said that was a great burger, just the way he likes it. How stupid can they be, its hilarious.

3.) Now I saved the best for my fellow gear-heads. My uncle is a mechanic in Pine Brook and has his own shop. He is 52 and has been around for it all, still has 4 of his hot rods today including his very first car that my dad gave him for his b-day, a '57 Chevy, a '53 Willys, a '67 Corvette Stingray, and a '55 F100 w/ a blown 454 in it painted black w/ flames and a chopped top. So anyway, this girl comes in there one day and tells my uncle she needs 710 for her car. My uncle had a dumbfounded look and said what is 710? She said you know 710? it says it under the hood. Now my uncle is looking under the hood and doesn't see anything that says 710, so he says can you draw it, she says yes. She draws a circle with 710 written inside. Now everybody reading this, do it. My uncle looked at it and turned it upside down, now everybody do the same, what does it say, thats right, it says OIL She had to be in the top 10 of World's Dumbest People if not #1, ha ha ha, makes me roll on the floor everytime.

Hope you all enjoyed reading those and hope you have had some of these close encounters of the stupid kind that you can share.
-Jeff.

[NJ346]

LMAO 710...that's gotta be the funniest **** I've heard in a long time.

[deadtrend1]

LMAO 710...that's gotta be the funniest **** I've heard in a long time.

http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=3&products_id=19&zenid=3cb16e735d5475b76ff4382dbb4f790e

:wink:

[Stroked355Z28]

Ha ha ha, some people are so stupid its funny.

[Knipps]

http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=3&products_id=19&zenid=3cb16e735d5475b76ff4382dbb4f790e

:wink:

I bought one but when it got here I sent it back.. that jackass had the nerve to send me an OIL cap!


One of my favorites is when a woman calls a mechanic and tells her she has a problem with her ford FISO. The mechanic is dumbfounded and asks the woman to bring it to his shop. The woman pulls up in an old pick up and walks over to the mechanic explaining her problem. What was the woman driving?

[Stroked355Z28]

Let me guess Knipps, she was driving that truck Ford made back in the early 90s, it was like an F-150, but they called it a FISO, which stood for Found In Salvage Only. Ha ha, here's another one for you. When I was working at the other restaurant, these two guys came in with a U-Haul truck from Pennsylvania and asked me what state they were in? So I said nicely, you're in Jersey, and the guy said Jersey? so I said you know, New Jersey, ha ha. Then the guy said to be that New Jersey ISNT a state. I started laughing and asked him what it was then. He said New Jersey was a city in New York, ha ha. So after about 5 minutes of heated arguing, his buddy came in, so he asked his friend if New Jersey is a state and his friend responded, of course it is you dumb ***. Where do they get this information from?? makes ya think it was there first time off the farm in Pennsylvania. I was waiting for them to tell me that buffalo wings come from real buffalos, ha ha. I've got a millon of them. -Jeff.

[TheBandit]

Man now i gotta think of a bunch cause i know i have a million. Few months ago we were talking to my friends girlfriend. Somehow Russia and the Russian language gets brought up. My friends girlfriend proceeds to tell us she didn't realize that Russian was a language... just a nationality. I don't understand sometimes what goes through people's heads.

[Stroked355Z28]

Man now i gotta think of a bunch cause i know i have a million. Few months ago we were talking to my friends girlfriend. Somehow Russia and the Russian language gets brought up. My friends girlfriend proceeds to tell us she didn't realize that Russian was a language... just a nationality. I don't understand sometimes what goes through people's heads.

Ha ha ha, keep'em coming guys, can't stop laughing.

[NastyEllEssWon]

ive had a cashier, when purchasing a ps2, say to me "HERE YOU GO, YOU CAN CARRY THIS WITH YOUR HANDS'' i replied...''ACTUALLY I PLANNED ON MAKING IT FLOAT NEXT TO ME MAGICALLY BUT YEAH I GUESS MY HANDS WILL WORK TOO''



:mrgreen::mrgreen::mrgreen::mrgreen:


dumb people ftw

[Fire_Chicken92]

My bf's lil sister once pointed to the manual window roller-upper and asked what it was for lmao.. shes only 8 tho..

oh n we r quizzing my friend for his written drivers test n he says a stop sign is a circle..

n another one of our friends was asking wat aisle oil was in, milan goes "next to the blinker fluid dumb***" the kid goes to the counter n asks where to find blinker fluid. *sigh*

[Fire_Chicken92]

AND on top of it, ask chrisfrom_nj... my friend (the stopsign one) asked if there was no air intake on the car woudnt it save gas cuz u arent burning as much? lol!

i think leaving the car off saves just as much!

[CHRIS67]

Two quick ones.

I was at a car show and I had a guy come up to my 67 Camaro and says, "oh man, I love your car. I had a mustang just like it." :twak:

I was giving my friends daughters a ride in my car and the oldest calls her bf who she puts on speaker phone. The conversation went like this "I'm going for a ride in my dad's freind's 67 Camaro", boyfriend "what's he have in it?", girlfriend " the two of us and he's driving". :-?

[LS1Hawk]

I minored in English in college. In one of my classes at the beginning of the semester the prof. had everyone introduce themselves to the class. Can't remember the girl's name, but this one girl says, "Hi, I'm whoever and I'm a English major."

[2RARE84s]

I minored in English in college. In one of my classes at the beginning of the semester the prof. had everyone introduce themselves to the class. Can't remember the girl's name, but this one girl says, "Hi, I'm whoever and I'm a English major."

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:......

[Stroked355Z28]

My bf's lil sister once pointed to the manual window roller-upper and asked what it was for lmao.. shes only 8 tho..

oh n we r quizzing my friend for his written drivers test n he says a stop sign is a circle..

n another one of our friends was asking wat aisle oil was in, milan goes "next to the blinker fluid dumb***" the kid goes to the counter n asks where to find blinker fluid. *sigh*

Ha ha, blinker fluid, thats awesome, I heard you can find that in the Beyond section at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Chris67, I'm still lauging about the guy saying he had a mustang just like that. I've got a few more:

1.) Me and my two friends went out a couple weeks ago for one of their b-days, after the nite was pretty much over, we went to Nutley diner at 3 in the morning, no one else was in there. So I go to the bathroom and tell the waitress its my friend's b-day. When they bring the cake out, my other friend's mouth drops and he says to me, "How did they know it was his birthday??" I couldn't believe it, I was like they read minds, ha ha. I told him think about it, I must've told the waitress on the way to the bathroom.

2.) I go to WildWood every year for vacation with my family and friends, so my cousin comes in the room and asks me what I'm having for lunch. So I tell him I'm having a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich, so he responds by saying and he was not joking, "What do you put on that?" I said its a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich, he didn't get it for about 5 minutes. Ha ha, thats my own family.

3.) Me and my friend were filling out applications one time. So when it got to the part where it says Sex and your are supposed to respond Male or Female, my friend wrote down, "No, but hope to do it soon". Ha ha, I think I cried laughing at that.

4.) When I bought my camaro, I brought to a car show, so my friend and his girlfriend tagged along. I opened the hood of my car, and my friend's girlfriend looks at the round air cleaner w/ the air filter and asks me "If that is a spare tire" Ha ha, I asked her if she was joking and she really thought that was a spare tire. Then my friend stopped holding her hand and pretended like he didn't know her because 3 other people were around looking at my motor. Ha ha ha.

I live to laugh at these moments.

[CHRIS67]

4.) When I bought my camaro, I brought to a car show, so my friend and his girlfriend tagged along. I opened the hood of my car, and my friend's girlfriend looks at the round air cleaner w/ the air filter and asks me "If that is a spare tire" Ha ha, I asked her if she was joking and she really thought that was a spare tire. Then my friend stopped holding her hand and pretended like he didn't know her because 3 other people were around looking at my motor. Ha ha ha.

I live to laugh at these moments.

Lots of air flowing through that spare tire.

[Fire_Chicken92]

Lots of air flowing through that spare tire.

and thru that girl's head obviously.. lol

Alright I have some family ones..

My bro was dating this girl and my family used to be big on uno.. so one night he brings her home and they are playng uno w my parents and another couple. its her turn to deal. kno how you are supposed to deal clockwise or whatever? she is dealing the other way, so my dad says to her "hey you are dealing the cards backwards" and she looks at them a sec, goes "oh." and turns the deck of cards around and keeps dealing in the same direction.

And one more, something I did, but I was little lol

My brother is 21 years older than me. He told me this story, IDK how old I was, maybe 3 or 4.. My brother used to be the kind to get around a lot with girls. he brought a girl home every weekend. so he has one home and theyre at the kitchen table and i run up to my dad and ask him "how come my brother has a different girl here every weekend?" lmao never saw her again.....

[2RARE84s]

My brother is 21 years older than me. He told me this story, IDK how old I was, maybe 3 or 4.. My brother used to be the kind to get around a lot with girls. he brought a girl home every weekend. so he has one home and theyre at the kitchen table and i run up to my dad and ask him "how come my brother has a different girl here every weekend?" lmao never saw her again.....

C0CK BLOCKER from the start!.... :lol:

[Fire_Chicken92]

:bow: lol

[Stroked355Z28]

Ha ha, when I was in WildWood, I went in the ocean w/ my aunt and little cousin, I'm going to be 20 Sept.30th. So I see a few girls that are clearly around my age, so they are looking at me and I go over to start talking to them and what does my aunt say. "You are too old for them." So they just looked at me funny and walked away. Ha ha, I wanted to put her head under the water, I was so pissed off, I never go in the ocean w/ my aunt anymore. -Jeff.

[Fire_Chicken92]

I'm 19 the 29th! =D

[sweetbmxrider]

710 thats effing great!!!! :rofl:

we have an air hose at my shop for people to use. we leave it outside and there is a sign that says air hose. there is a garden hose wrapped up in the corner of the lot about 20 feet from the air hose. some lady picked it up with a sprinkler end on it and asked if it was the air hose. i just cringed.

[Stroked355Z28]

710 thats effing great!!!! :rofl:

we have an air hose at my shop for people to use. we leave it outside and there is a sign that says air hose. there is a garden hose wrapped up in the corner of the lot about 20 feet from the air hose. some lady picked it up with a sprinkler end on it and asked if it was the air hose. i just cringed.

Ha ha, thats awesome, too bad she didn't turn it on and spray herself in the face, somebody should have told her it was the air hose, would have loved to seen what happened.

[Stroked355Z28]

I'm 19 the 29th! =D

Ha ha, a year and a day apart, we should party together for both of our b-days. -Jeff.

[sweetbmxrider]

hahaha 20 gallons of water in her tire. why doesn't the car thing go no fast now and shakes not good help

[ShadowHawk]

A classic: My buddy turned around to me one time after a Nirvana song came on and went "Is this some of the stuff he did before he died?"

I just looked at him and went, "No...this was recorded live from the pearly gates. OF COURSE IT WAS YOU ASS!!"

Another one: My dad, and I can forgive it because he really didn't give a rats ass and hates the guy, turns around to me one time and goes "Who's that ******* singer we don't like...what was his name...Beefsteak??"

I said, "Dad...do you mean Meatloaf??"

He goes, "YEAH, that *********!" :rofl:

Again with my dad: He says funny **** sometimes. He goes "Hey you wanna go get something to eat at that bread place near Menlo Mall, Pantera bread is it?"

I didn't even have to respond because I pissed myself picturing the band working behind the counter.

[deadtrend1]

I didn't even have to respond because I pissed myself picturing the band working behind the counter.

HAHA ... "Pantera Bread. IT'S ****ING HOSTILE!!!!!!"

And each meal comes with a free "Unscarred" tattoo!

[madness410]

i work at pizza hut and i answer the phone everytime i pick up saying: thanks for calling somerville pizza hut this is jon how can i help you...

the first words that come out of their mouths are: this is pizza hut right?

[Knipps]

i work at pizza hut and i answer the phone everytime i pick up saying: thanks for calling somerville pizza hut this is jon how can i help you...

the first words that come out of their mouths are: this is pizza hut right?
don't talk so fast :lol:
I know there are times I have to double check b/c idk what the hell the person said

[jims69camaro]

this sounds like an episode of "here's your sign..."

[ShadowHawk]

don't talk so fast :lol:
I know there are times I have to double check b/c idk what the hell the person said

+1, I've been there. You kinda go "is this the right number??"

You may be saying this thanks for calling somerville pizza hut this is jon how can i help you...

But it sounds like this thanksforcallingsomervillepizzahutthisisjonhowcani helpyou...

Not saying YOU are, but I can kind of understand where these people are coming from.

[madness410]

perhaps. im pretty sure i talk clear though

[deadtrend1]

i work at pizza hut and i answer the phone everytime i pick up saying: thanks for calling somerville pizza hut this is jon how can i help you...

the first words that come out of their mouths are: this is pizza hut right?


i said this before about how when I used to work at office max and got that all the time.

"Hello, Office Max, Tim Speaking, How Can I help you"
"IS THIS OFFICE MAX?"
"No Miss, This is Office Max"
::momentary pause while they think up another sentence full of idiocy::
"Oh, I thought I called Office Max"
"Yes you did miss, how can I help you?"

[Fire_Chicken92]

Ha ha, a year and a day apart, we should party together for both of our b-days. -Jeff.

DEF

[SteveR]

HAHA ... "Pantera Bread. IT'S ****ING HOSTILE!!!!!!"

And each meal comes with a free "Unscarred" tattoo!

Pantera Bread!!!! Thats ****ing tremendous!!! :rofl:

[TheBandit]

I work at my family's NAPA. So i younger woman walks in with her gas cap in her hand. She says she needs a new gas cap cause she failed inspection and all that, tons of people come in for the same thing. Anyways i think she asked me if it was bad or something i told her i didn't know by looking at it. Then she says, "Well when i took the cap off it smelt like gas... Is it suppose to?". I wanted to just walk away and give her a second to think about what she said.

[ShadowHawk]

"Well when i took the cap off it smelt like gas... Is it suppose to?"

:shock: No...it should smell like chocolate. Something must be amiss if it smells like gas. :knock:

[Fire_Chicken92]

haha! oh man.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPff3LcCMfE

[Knipps]

i said this before about how when I used to work at office max and got that all the time.

"Hello, Office Max, Tim Speaking, How Can I help you"
"IS THIS OFFICE MAX?"
"No Miss, This is Office Max"
::momentary pause while they think up another sentence full of idiocy::
"Oh, I thought I called Office Max"
"Yes you did miss, how can I help you?"

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Stroked355Z28]

Ha ha ha, nighthawk, love the Nirvana one and TheBandit, the gas cap is priceless. I got another one, around the first month I started at this job, a family of 5 came in and I was taking their drink orders. So one of the guys asks me for a Long Island Iced Tea, and his girlfriend, says, isn't that going to take to long to make? So I told her no and she was like, "Don't you have to go to Long Island for it??" I started laughing and so did her boyfriend, but she didn't get it until I explained to her that it was just a drink. Ha ha ha. -Jeff.

[jims69camaro]

"Don't you have to go to Long Island for it??"

she must have been blond...

[TheBandit]

Lol these are great. I remember i few years ago me and family are going out to dinner to this little italian restaurant right next to a shoprite. Like a lot of shoprite this one had a shoprite liquor store next to it. Some guy pulls up and asks, "Do you know where the shoprite liquor store is?"... Someone responds, "Yeah it's right here..."

[2RARE84s]

haha! oh man.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPff3LcCMfE

:kneeslap: I don't even know what to say about that.............

[Fire_Chicken92]

i kno lol

[NastyEllEssWon]

this is at my old job. we actually got this A LOT


customer walks in.

Hi i'd like to buy some a tire i got a flat.

Sure......convo goes on like normal.
We get to the labor costs for putting them on.

No thank ill just take it with me.

No problem (lots of people have bought just the tires and rolled out)

Bring out a tire from the back.


No sir, I'm sorry you misunderstood. IM LOOKING FOR THE WHOLE TIRE, not just the rubber!


then i had to have a twenty minute conversation with the woman and actually having to show her how we break down the wheels using one of the old calibration wheels for the balancer.


this is actually from what i hear a common occurrence in tire shops across america. People actually think the rim is part of the tire. wow. :shock:

[Stroked355Z28]

Ha ha, all funny, can't believe that dopy woman with the prank phone call. Keep'em coming guys. -Jeff.

[Brando56894]

number two is hilarious, ive heard of the 710 cap thing before. another thing i read about online awhile ago was that someone called up computer tech support and told them that the pop out cup holder on their computer was broken, they were talking about the cd-rom drive :lol:

and to quote lewis black "i was at a restaurant and i heard the dumbest thing ever i ever heard some one say, a young girl of 22 said 'if it wasnt for my horse i wouldnt of spent that year in college' " (ok maybe its not an exact quote")

[Stroked355Z28]

When I was in high school, I was hanging out at this local spot w/ a bunch of people. I was only a Sophomore and this kid who was a senior at the time tells me he knows more than me about cars. So, this pisses me off because can't just have good conversation. So, he says this in front of everybody and I tell him I want to go first w/ asking the questions. He agrees. First question and second question were enough to send him home and not show his face at school again. I asked a 2 basic questions: the first, I asked him where the calipers located in the car?? He says that they are located in the engine. Ha ha. So going w/ that, the second question I asked him was Where the pistons are located?? So his answer was, ha ha, I laugh everytime I think about this, he said the pistons are located in the rear end of the car. Ha ha ha. Everyone laughed at him, he got shut out by me, a sophomore at the time. Hope everyone enjoyed that one.

[DevilDougWS6]

when i used to work at Firestone a couple years ago, one day it was pretty hot out and we kept all of the bay doors open, only like two customers had their cars being worked on in the shop at this time around noon. me and the manager at the time were sitting inside the shop behind a desk eating lunch.

a customer drives up to the first bay door (nearest the lounge), gets out and walks inside the first bay where we were sitting, walks up to the desk and says "are you guys open?".......

we all just stared at him, the guys that were working actually stopped and looked at him....then he just goes "oh..k" and we ask him what he needs....etc.

some people just need to stop and think about what they are going to say before speaking.

[Knipps]

Just got this email tonight..

Think before you speak...

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....


FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.


SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls.'

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, 'No,
I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said 'No.' I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'
Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'

'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident?' This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

[88IrocVert]

So, we get stoopid people in the Dealership (Dodge) alot. It's amazing the amount of people who hand me the keys and say "it's the Dodge." I always give them a blank stare like they're in the wrong place.

I had a guy come in and said he had a whining noise. I asked him "when does it happen?" He replies, "When my wife is in the car." The other writer, two customers and myself all start laughing. I said "Don't let her in the car." He was totally confused for a minute. He started laughing and said his wife is the one who hears it, but is willing to consider my advice.

One time (I swear this really happened) a lady came in and said she had a vaginal leak. I heard it from in the shop. I watched everyone at the service desk come out red faced. Appearantly another shop told her that only dealerships can help her with her problem. I was amazed that my boy held his composure and made this lady understand what she just said.

I'm sure I got more, I just need to remember.

[Stroked355Z28]

About 5 years ago, there used to be a bar in my town of Lyndhurst called Wrigley's Sports Bar. So this drunk guy passing through this parking lot me and a few others were hanging out in, decided to ask us for directions. He said, "How can I get to Wrigley's Field??" Ha ha, so this kid hanging out with us told him, hop on a plane because Wrigley Field is in Chicago. Then he started getting angry and wanted to fight us, He kept saying its around the block, but he never said Wrigley's Sports Bar, just Wrigley's Field, so we kept telling him it was in Chicago. Ha ha and then he said he's gonna start walking there. Ha ha, stupid people. -Jeff.