[unstable bob gable]

Disclaimer: The following story may or may not be true. It may or may not have happened on Wed, Sept 28, 2005. It contains such non P/C items as automobiles being driven in a reckless fashion, A Diet Coke being used as a weapon of mass destruction, and contains the word "jabronie!" READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

unstable bob was taking his usual route to the chithole where he works, which puts him on the Pulaski Skyway, AKA the Pulaski Flyway, AKA THE ROAD OF DOOM! unstable bob was in a pretty mellow mood, as it was payday, and he was going with the flow of traffic. unstable bob was within a mile of his turn off the Pulaski, when all of a sudden a Mini Me van comes blazing up at warp speed, and gets right on unstable bob's bumper. Now, if there is one thing that unstable bob hates almost as much as ricers, it is mini vans that are being driven in an aggressive manner. unstable bob believes that all mini vans, or anything with a name like "Sidekick," "Tracker," "Amigo," etc, belongs in the friggin' slow lane, showing "Teletubbie" videos to howling 'lil nose miners. They have NO bidness being driven in an agressive manner, or spending ANY time in the fast lane!!! WELL, anywho, back to the story!
unstable bob was quickly getting VERY pizzed off at this mook behind him, and figured it was prolly some POS crackhead trying to motor into NYC to get his fix. Â*And since unstable bob's exit was coming up, unstable bob said "Fook it!," and started to move over to the right lane. WELL, low and behold Mr Mario Azz-dretty in da mini crack house decided he was gonna try and pass on the right! unstable bob had already gotten in front of him, so it was time for some "brake dancin'!" unstable bob hits his brakes ONE TIME! Mini van locks 'em up! DANCE, BEYOTCH! unstable bob rolls a little further, with the crack head still on his azz. So unstable bob hits da brakes DA SECOND TIME! Swerve that van! DANCE AGAIN, BEYOTCH! Welp, now it was about time to get take the exit, so da van man dumps over to the left lane, cuts off a few people, and takes the exit. And even when he is having to come to a stop because of a light he cuts somebody off by dumping into the other lane. Welp, needless to say, unstable bob is SMOKIN' PIZZED OFF MAAAAAAAD! The guy is in a line of cars waiting for the light, and unstable bob has to make a right hand turn to continue on his trip. unstable bob quickly does the math, realizes the guy's passenger side window is down, the guy is stuck in a line of cars and can't go anywhere, and unstable bob has a clean get away path. But unstable bob needs a weapon to launch...LOW AND BEHOLD! A fresh can of Diet Coke! Welp, it then went down like this:

1. unstable bob graps can of Diet Coke, puts on baseball cap for disguise,
and exits vehicle.

2. unstable bob jogs down street, staying close to sidewalk to try and not arouse too much attention.

3. unstable bob moves over into street, and gets clear shot at mini van driver.

4. unstable bob yells "Thanks for cutting me off, you scumbag jabronie!" and hurls can of Diet Coke.

5. Diet Coke can goes forward like a Randy Johnson fastball, enters mini van through pass side window, and smashes into driver in upper body, around the neck area.

6. unstable bob runs like hell back to his car, whips it down the side street and around the corner, and gets the hell outa there!

7. unstable bob continues on to work, grinning from ear to ear!

THE END!