I look in the mirror, and what do I see?
A BIG, FAT, FOOK staring back at me!
I'm wearing a shirt that used to be a tent.
Spend my money at McDs, 'stead of paying the rent!
I'm a human eclipse, my shadow blocks out the sun,
My computer keyboard is jammed with goo from a sticky bun.
I can't tie my shoes, 'cause I can't bend down,
I got more chins than Chinatown!
I went on a diet, man, that was no fun,
But I got my weight down to half a ton!
I'm just as wide, as I am tall
I was always big, even when I was small!
I eat whole pizzas, and BIG AZZ SUBS,
Don't want my chicken in buckets, I want it in TUBS!
Today my stomach was rumblin' when I got home,
Then my dog bit me 'cause I tried to steal his bone!
But no matter what, I know what to do,
I can laugh at myself, and you can laugh at me too!
