[Squirrel]

How are a plum and a rabbit alike?
They're both purple, except for the rabbit.

Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.

A man goes to a grocery store. While he is there, he buys:
bread
cheese
and milk.
So as he is checking out, getting ready to pay, the cashier says: "Hey, you're single, aren't you?"
The man is astonished. "Wow, that's incredible. How did you know that?"
"You're ugly."

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One holds groceries, the other molests children.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: He didn't. He got hit by a bus.

Q: What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A: One is an edible substance and the other is a person who believes in Judaism.

"Knock Knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Jim"
"Jim who?"
"Jim Smith....your next door neighbor. My lawn mower just died and my lawn is half mowed. Can I borrow yours?"
"Sure, I'll open the garage for you."
"Thanks buddy, I owe you one."

Little Bobby heard a new word at school and wanted to find out what it was. So when little bobby went home he asked his brother what the word meant. His brother told him not to worry about it and not to say it. So then little bobby went to his mother and asked her what it meant, but she too told him not to say the word. Enraged little bobby ran across the street to ask his neighbor but was ran over by a truck.
Moral of the story - Look both ways before you cross the street.