Got this in an e-mail
How To Drive In Jersey...
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> Seriously, there are only two things needed to drive
> effectively in NJ: A horn and a middle finger.
> Everything else is superf luous, including knowing where you
> are going.
> For those of you who live in Jerseyor have lived there,
> these things may come as no surprise. For those who
> haven't travelled there before,
> Beware, Be Prepared and Be Afraid,,,, Be Very Afraid.
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> 1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is
> Nork - rhymes with Fork, not New-ark. Also, Trentonis not
> pronounced Tren-ton, it is Trent-in.
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> 2. The morning rush hour is from 5 AM to NOON. The evening
> rush hour is from NOON to 7 PM. Friday's rush hour
> starts on Thursday morning.
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> 3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph.
> On the parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is
> considered "Sissy." (Just ask the Governor of NJ)
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> 4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey
> has its own version of traffic rules. For example,
> cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way
> stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second;
> However, in Monmouth and Burlingtoncounties, SUV-driving,
> cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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> 5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear
> ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
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> 6. Never honk at anyone. EVER ! Seriously. It's
> another offense that can get you shot.
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> 7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of
> Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your
> entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to
> make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.
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> 8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks,
> dogs, cats, barrels, cones, Celebes, rubber-neckers, shredded
> tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the
& gt; Homeless feeding on any of these items.
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> 9. MapQuest does NOT work here -- none of the roads are
> where they say they are or go where they say they do and all
> the Turnpike EZ Pass lanes are moved each night once again
> to make your ride more exciting.
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> 10.. If someone actually has their Turn Signal ON, wave them
> to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been
> "accidentally activated."
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> 11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a
> 55-65mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will
> be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the
> flip, you'll be shot.
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> 12. Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday
> afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for
> Friday appointments, and right after church on Sunday for
> anything on Monday morning.
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> SAFE DRIVING ! ! !
