ROAD RAGE! Or...how a Diet Coke became a missle of death!

[unstable bob gable]

Disclaimer: The following story may or may not be true. It may or may not have happened on Wed, Sept 28, 2005. It contains such non P/C items as automobiles being driven in a reckless fashion, A Diet Coke being used as a weapon of mass destruction, and contains the word "jabronie!" READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

unstable bob was taking his usual route to the chithole where he works, which puts him on the Pulaski Skyway, AKA the Pulaski Flyway, AKA THE ROAD OF DOOM! unstable bob was in a pretty mellow mood, as it was payday, and he was going with the flow of traffic. unstable bob was within a mile of his turn off the Pulaski, when all of a sudden a Mini Me van comes blazing up at warp speed, and gets right on unstable bob's bumper. Now, if there is one thing that unstable bob hates almost as much as ricers, it is mini vans that are being driven in an aggressive manner. unstable bob believes that all mini vans, or anything with a name like "Sidekick," "Tracker," "Amigo," etc, belongs in the friggin' slow lane, showing "Teletubbie" videos to howling 'lil nose miners. They have NO bidness being driven in an agressive manner, or spending ANY time in the fast lane!!! WELL, anywho, back to the story!
unstable bob was quickly getting VERY pizzed off at this mook behind him, and figured it was prolly some POS crackhead trying to motor into NYC to get his fix. Â*And since unstable bob's exit was coming up, unstable bob said "Fook it!," and started to move over to the right lane. WELL, low and behold Mr Mario Azz-dretty in da mini crack house decided he was gonna try and pass on the right! unstable bob had already gotten in front of him, so it was time for some "brake dancin'!" unstable bob hits his brakes ONE TIME! Mini van locks 'em up! DANCE, BEYOTCH! unstable bob rolls a little further, with the crack head still on his azz. So unstable bob hits da brakes DA SECOND TIME! Swerve that van! DANCE AGAIN, BEYOTCH! Welp, now it was about time to get take the exit, so da van man dumps over to the left lane, cuts off a few people, and takes the exit. And even when he is having to come to a stop because of a light he cuts somebody off by dumping into the other lane. Welp, needless to say, unstable bob is SMOKIN' PIZZED OFF MAAAAAAAD! The guy is in a line of cars waiting for the light, and unstable bob has to make a right hand turn to continue on his trip. unstable bob quickly does the math, realizes the guy's passenger side window is down, the guy is stuck in a line of cars and can't go anywhere, and unstable bob has a clean get away path. But unstable bob needs a weapon to launch...LOW AND BEHOLD! A fresh can of Diet Coke! Welp, it then went down like this:

1. unstable bob graps can of Diet Coke, puts on baseball cap for disguise,
and exits vehicle.

2. unstable bob jogs down street, staying close to sidewalk to try and not arouse too much attention.

3. unstable bob moves over into street, and gets clear shot at mini van driver.

4. unstable bob yells "Thanks for cutting me off, you scumbag jabronie!" and hurls can of Diet Coke.

5. Diet Coke can goes forward like a Randy Johnson fastball, enters mini van through pass side window, and smashes into driver in upper body, around the neck area.

6. unstable bob runs like hell back to his car, whips it down the side street and around the corner, and gets the hell outa there!

7. unstable bob continues on to work, grinning from ear to ear!

THE END!

[Savage_Messiah]

UBG strikes again!!!

[bad64chevelle]

LOL Nice work unstable Bob!

[2001orangess]

hahah thast was great

[Squirrel]

"it was a drive by fruiting" 8)...name movie, 3 points

[SteveR]

Originally Posted by Squirrel

"it was a drive by fruiting" 8)...name movie, 3 points

Mrs. Doubtfire

[SteveR]

That story was awesome! Great way to start the morning lol

[Koll]

I gotta meet this guy

[foff667]

wow your a scary man UBG

[The Fixer]

Thanks for the laugh! And you really gotta be Unstable to do that commute everyday; those roads suck AZZ! I feel your pain!

[jims69camaro]

[bitchincamaro]

haha your really are unstable bob. that was a awsome story, if there were more consequences like that people would'nt be driving like ********, way to set a example.

[Fastbird]

LMAO man, that's too funny. I'm just rolling!!!

[Tru2Chevy]

Wow UBG.....just wow.

- Justin

[unstable bob gable]

Just anutter 2 cents from the unstable one. This and anutter 73 cents will buy you a can of Diet Coke:

Whatever your beliefs are, there is prolly something in there that deals with universal justice, an eye for an eye, Ying and Yang, etc. In the story above, it could be said that unstable bob was the hero, as he brought the smackdown upon the unsafe crack head driver of the mini van. But the scenerio can also be reversed. If unstable bob causes the situation, there may be a Diet Coke can somewhere with his name on it.
The scales of justice are hard to balance...

[NJSPEEDER]

for anyone who has not met bob, you must realize that over teh 8-10 years i have known him he has actually mellowed out a lot.
good shot bob. next time you need to hit the hood with an open can. nice spray pattern will score extra points.

later
tim

[unstable bob gable]

Originally Posted by NJSPEEDER

for anyone who has not met bob, you must realize that over teh 8-10 years i have known him he has actually mellowed out a lot.
good shot bob. next time you need to hit the hood with an open can. nice spray pattern will score extra points.

later
tim

You've known me 10 years? Where was I the first five? lol
I think you have mistaken the fact that I have become more sociable by thinking it is me mellowing out.

[slasherbarb]

you...are...






GOD!!

[79dizZy28]

excellent story

[j0n]

8) unstable bob pwnz all

[12secondv6]

Wow...... all I think of is..... what an *******.

Granted the other person was driving like an idiot (from what you say).... but then you bring it to another level.

What you did was plain stupid...... just imagine if you threw that at the person... something happened... they hit the gas at the light and plowed into another car killing the other people?? Then you would be at complete fault.

I know nothing of you.... haven't met you either.... but.... I'll keep some of my personal opinions to myself.

BTW:

Do you realize the power of the internet? Doccumenting such info as this can easily be forwarded to the PD of that area.

[JPiZZiJP]

Originally Posted by Squirrel

"it was a drive by fruiting" 8)...name movie, 3 points

Mrs Doubtfire. too easy.

[unstable bob gable]

And now, the great unstable bob gable replies to this 12SecondV6 cretin's attempt to slander unstable bob's great deed with the Diet Coke can of death!


12SV6: Wow...... all I think of is..... what an *******.

ubg: You "think?" When didja learn how to do that? Mucho congrats at your attempt to move from da short bus to the tall bus. Hope ya don't trip on the way there!
But ya know what? unstable bob IS an *******. And unstable bob works hard at being the biggest, assholiest, ******* he can be! So thanks for noticing. Now what are you good at, besides being a beyotch?
And just for the record, 16 people gave a positive review in this thread. Everything from getting a laff to declairing unstable bob to be a GOD! So, your sorry 'lil 1 percent of half a sissy hissy post doesn't meana whole helluva lot, Slappy! Kinda like a pork chop at a Bar mitzvah: Unwelcomed, unnecesasary, unneeded. Dig it, jabronie?

12SV6: Granted the other person was driving like an idiot (from what you say).... but then you bring it to another level.

ubg: Yeah, unstable bob did take it to anutter level. Something like DEFCON 1, CODE RED, MAXIMUM BATTLE DAMAGE, and things like dat! In fact, you can say that unstable bob SANK HIS BATTLESHIP!!!!

12SV6: What you did was plain stupid...... just imagine if you threw that at the person... something happened... they hit the gas at the light and plowed into another car killing the other people?? Â*Then you would be at complete fault.

ubg: Gee, MOM, tanks fer pointing out what COULDA, SHOULDA, WOULDA, happened. But NOTHING happened! NADA! ZILCH! ZERO! NONE OF DA ABOVE! If you wanna be a "Maybe Melvin," and live in MAYBEVILLE, go right ahead sucka! But riddle these "maybes" Melvin:
MAYBE because that guy got plowed with the Diet Coke can he woke the f' up and won't drive like dat any 'mo! MAYBE now accidents will be avoided! MAYBE innocent people won't die! MAYBE there won't be mass destruction and total carnage! MAYBE you should be kissing unstable bob's arse and be welcoming him home the conquering hero, instead of being a boo hoo-a-boo boo!!!!

12SV6: I know nothing of you.... haven't met you either.... but.... I'll keep some of my personal opinions to myself.

ubg: Ummmm, HELL-OH? Is this thing on? You are gonna keep some of yer opinions to yourself? Well, golly gee thanks a bunch! If you are keeping your opinions to yourself, what is all the poo poo la la you are flinging around in this post, there, Sparky? Anywho, opinions are like arseholes: everybody has one, and some of 'em, like yer breath, smell like ARSE, ARSE, ARSE!
OK, buckaroo, you had yer shot at the big time, now it is unstable bob's turn:
First up, place yer right hand on a cyberbible and SWEAR that you NEVER: flipped a bird, blew a horn, yelled a cuss, pounded a steering wheel, jammed on yer brakes cause an azzclown was tailgating ya, flashed yer highs at a slowpoke in da fast lane, or showed any other negative view or took matters into your own hands towards a driver operating a motor vehicle in an unsafe or threatening manner. Go 'head...swear ya never did. And if ya do, I can think of 2 things:

1. You are Jesus, Mother Theresa, or Gandhi. And somehow I get the feeling you are NONE of those peeps!

2. You are a friggin' bold faced LIAR!!!!!

Sooooo, with dat being stated...WHO THE H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS ARE YOU TO JUDGE unstable bob? Are you:

Judge Judy?



Judge Wapner?



Judge Mathis?



Judge Joe Brown?



Judge GTO?



Judge Lane?



Judge Dredd?



Judge Reinhold?




Well? Are you any of those judges? HUH? HUH? HUH? No? Well, then, maybe you should S-T-F-U on the W-W-W. Go find an audience with the Sentra azzclowns or the Italians w/ Dragonball Z haircut jabronies, or the ricer wanna be racer pudd pullers, or any other bottom feeding, mouth breathing, choads of humanity who want to try and speak their vice in a loud voice, but only have the lungs of a 3 year old girl who has been smokin' ten packs of unfiltered Luckies a day for fitty years. SQUEAK, SQUEAK, SQUEAK is how it all comes out from that black hole under that barren area where you have been trying to grow a moustache for the last 16 years! So, to the thunderous sounds of laughter at your expense, slink back into your crack in the wall, and pray that someday you will have the tools to spar with the likes of KINGS! Kings like unstable bob gable. And as such unstable bob is a KING, you, ma'am, are a QUEEN! So, BE GONE!

But wait! Thou must be of significant tuffness, since thou opening volley consisted of calling unstable bob an *******! You must be the tuffest of all cyber tuff guys!

You must be tuffer than Ken Shamrock!:



You must have arms bigger than Greg Valentino!:



Bigger legs than Ronnie Coleman!:



A Bigger chest than Vic Richards!:



Or Pam Anderson!:



You must be cooler than Fonzie!:



Stronger on dirt than Mr Clean!:



And faster than a garden slug!:




All these things MUST be true, so I am VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, SORRY if I pizzed you off in any way......NOT! HELL NO, NOT SORRY IN DA LEAST! NOPE, NOT ONE TINY BIT!!!!!!!


12SV6: BTW:
Do you realize the power of the internet? Â*Doccumenting such info as this can easily be forwarded to the PD of that area.

ubg: DUHHHHHHH, eh, nope, unstble bob don'te no nothen abot ths intranett orr ane powr tht et mite havve.

Hey Columbo, let me ax YOU something. Do YOU realize that you can't believe everything you read on the Internet? You prolly do believe anything ya read. Did you read the disclaimer to that story? Maybe it was for entertainment purposes...maybe you should run into your beddie bye room, pull up your Power Ranger sheets, and look under yer bed...'cause Ashtray Cruncher {or whatever the hell that goon's name is} might roll out from under yer bed to tell ya that YOU HAVE BEEN PUNKED! Â*
But then again...MAYBE NOT! Maybe it is alllllll true. Whatever the case, I don't giva flying fook about what you think.

But then again...maybe I do! Â*

Ah, NOPE!

[Ian]

[12secondv6]

Thank you Bob for futher proving my point.