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10-04-2005, 06:57 PM
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#1
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14 Second Club
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: RUM$ON, NJ
Posts: 2,308
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My anus is a freaking ***** faucet
So I caught a bit of a flu or cold in the last few days, nothing big right? Standard drink lots of fluids, eat some decent food, take some vitamins, voila everything will be ok
Boy was I mistaken, yesterday I awoke to the most horrible wretched sore throat, the kind that emits an odor you can smell over your own bad morning breath. The stench of rotten bacterial growth smothering your tonsils. Not to mention, the thick layer of yellow-green blood infused phlegm I was gagging up all day. Boy oh boy was that fun! My throat was raw bleeding and stinky, my head spinning, and my body aching all over.
I gargled with salt water and listerine for the last two days - you know how that should sting right, well my throat is so ****ing gone I can't feel a thing. I can stick my fingers back there and play with the little ballsac (:drool.
Wake up this morning, eat a banana, go to school. As I get off the bus at the dorm area, I suddenly perceive this intense urgency to take a ****. No problem, I haven't ****ted in over a day. I waddle my way into the bathroom and proceed to let rip the ****ing WIDEST PIECE OF **** I HAVE EVER TAKEN. It must have been at LEAST 3+ inches wide and 6 inches long, it came out like a miniature septic smeared football. My anus reels back and puckers up in excruciating pain from the small land mass it just deposited in this public toilet.
After about 30 seconds, the wave of pain fleshed out and I was ok. Then it happened. I couldn't even believe it was happening. I had absolutely no control over it; it was as if someone opened the faucet full blast and just let it keep running. A thick hot stream of liquid gold came rushing out of my anus splattering the toilet walls, ricocheting back up to my bare ass, and it kept going for a solid 20 seconds. The sensation of the slick milkshake **** exiting my football-torn ******* at escape velocity was horrifying. I just beared down and took it like a lactose intolerant little boy who ate too much ice cream.
Now its been happening to me all day, spurt after spurt of liquid hell seeping from my anus. I'm afraid to be anywhere more than 30 seconds from a toilet. Sweet jesus what was my sin, I repent just stop the ****
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by The Fapist
K0ll is a hick and has a veritable fleet of 1980-early 90's GM vehicles :mullet:
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10-04-2005, 07:30 PM
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#2
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13 Second Club
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Ewing/Galloway, NJ
Posts: 3,904
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definitely cut back on the masterbation
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EB
99 Riviera, Bone stock, 14.34 @ 96 "Walking 5.0's in luxury" RIP
95 Cherokee, Bone stock 16.2 @ 83 "Treeing your 3rd gen and beating it to the line despite trapping less....and looking better"
93 TA, Bone stock, 13.8 @ 100 "Beating ****** drivers in ****** LS1's"
https://www.facebook.com/groups/285090241699967/
R.I.P. Tia 
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10-04-2005, 07:41 PM
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#3
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 3,530
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stumic virus had one a year ago it ****en sucked.
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10-04-2005, 07:59 PM
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#4
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Fidget Lover
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: P-town, New Jersey
Posts: 1,890
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KOLL'S GOT ANAL LEAKAGE!!!!!
ps- the thought of koll's "bare ass"....  <-----also what is ass is probably doing as we speak
__________________
-BaRb-
97 Z28- slightly modded....Back and Badder than ever!
90 Chrysler New Yorker 5th Avenue...Out of my driveway but still in my heart...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tru2Chevy
Barb = fist pump extraordinaire
- Justin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bubba428
just for the record...whos falus is lodged in your sfincter
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10-04-2005, 08:03 PM
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#5
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Home Breaker
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Long Island / Fairfield
Posts: 1,304
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i don't even know what to say about this. i'm sorry you're so sick, but wow. such details, you are a gross individual.
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yea hi. i'm Jeanne-Marie. bye
Quote:
Originally Posted by unstable bob gable
I'm gonna start calling JM "sunny," because she is SO FRIGGIN' HAWT!!!!
JM FTW!!!
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10-04-2005, 08:17 PM
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#6
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Haledon, NJ
Posts: 5,162
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... 
~Ted
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1989 IROC-Z 355 LT1 T56 Swapped
2016 Chevy Colorado LT 3.6 v6
2008 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo 4.7L RIP 12/29/2016
1998 Honda CBR 600F3
2003 Yamaha FX140
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10-04-2005, 09:22 PM
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#7
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: good to be back
Posts: 656
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is all i have to say
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10-04-2005, 09:27 PM
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#8
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2007 Member of the Year
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Seabrook, TX
Posts: 14,281
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WOW
see what happens stuffing foreign objects up there........
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WF=DF
Kommandant of the ACL (Anti Canadian League)
Quote:
Originally Posted by LTb1ow
Junk the pos, spend the money on beer, acquire headache.
Same result cept this headache doesnt last months.
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10-04-2005, 09:37 PM
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#9
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Banned Camp Director Emeritus
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Somerset County
Posts: 8,395
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I'm calling BS on this one. I dont think his ass is a faucet of hot liquid ****.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by baddest434
and 1 more smart ass answer by you and i'm going to reach into this monitor and grab you by the throat
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10-04-2005, 09:39 PM
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#10
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2007 Member of the Year
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Seabrook, TX
Posts: 14,281
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oh so it's just his mouth??
__________________
WF=DF
Kommandant of the ACL (Anti Canadian League)
Quote:
Originally Posted by LTb1ow
Junk the pos, spend the money on beer, acquire headache.
Same result cept this headache doesnt last months.
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10-04-2005, 09:59 PM
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#11
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Banned Camp Director Emeritus
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Somerset County
Posts: 8,395
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Thats what I'm thinking. And nothing against koll (cause he could sqash me very easily! ) but I just think he made that up.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by baddest434
and 1 more smart ass answer by you and i'm going to reach into this monitor and grab you by the throat
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10-04-2005, 10:04 PM
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#12
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I will beat you with a toaster!
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 6,054
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...wow thats just wrong.
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10-05-2005, 12:51 AM
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#13
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Pequannock, NJ
Posts: 1,854
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Ian
I'm calling BS on this one. I dont think his ass is a faucet of hot liquid ****.
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he may be BS'ing, but i've had the same thing happen to me before. One of the most hellacious ****s i've ever had. Think "fire sprinkler" - it was going sideways it was coming out so fast. I think i lost nearly 3 or 4 pounds on that one.
__________________
1998 Saturn SL2
-=NORTH JERSEY NOT ONLY OWNS YOU, WE OWN YOUR MOM TOO.=-
Veritas et Aequitas
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10-05-2005, 01:32 AM
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#14
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2007 Member of the Year
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Seabrook, TX
Posts: 14,281
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GROSS
__________________
WF=DF
Kommandant of the ACL (Anti Canadian League)
Quote:
Originally Posted by LTb1ow
Junk the pos, spend the money on beer, acquire headache.
Same result cept this headache doesnt last months.
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10-05-2005, 01:40 AM
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#15
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American Road Warrior
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Wastelands of NJ
Posts: 6,116
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I dropped a big chit like that once, but mine was almost 11 inches long! And upon closer inspection it had teeth and gills!
I was so freeked I ran out the bathroom to get one of my co workers to come look at it, but when we got back a dayum cleaning lady had flushed it! 
__________________
unstable bob gable: LEGENDARY LEGEND,
ICONIC ICON, AND AMERICAN BAD AZZ!!!
1991 Dodge Spirit R/T: Gran'pa lookin' 150+ mph turbo rocket.
2013 Dodge Avenger RT: Wastelands cruiser.
2008 Crown Vic Police Interceptor: 'Nuff said!
THE ONLY THING THAT SUCKS WORSE THEN IMPORTS ARE RICED OUT IMPORTS!!!
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10-06-2005, 10:32 PM
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#16
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15 Second Club
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Vineland
Posts: 6,621
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that it freakin hilarious koll!  and if u wanna turn on your own "anal faucet" come to willy p and eat an assload of the hamburgers and hot dogs! 
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